hips don't lie: Strictly Come Dancing cruises: Fox-trotting around the Med with Craig Revel Horwood

By

Jaci Stephen

PUBLISHED:

14:04 EST, 12 July 2013

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UPDATED:

14:04 EST, 12 July 2013

There are two words guaranteed to bring any ballroom dancer out in a cold sweat: ‘disaster’ and ‘darling’. And when spouted from the mouth of Craig Revel Horwood, the double-D (‘Di-sarrrrs-ter dahhhling’) make you want to foxtrot away under a stone.

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“Dah-ling you were wonderful”: Jaci meets Craig for a quick turn on the dancefloor. Full marks all round

The acerbic judge of the BBC1 hit show was joining the first of seven Strictly Come Dancing-themed cruises on PO’s newest ship, the Azura, around the Spanish Canary Islands.

With more than 3,000 passengers on board, the Azura combines the traditional elements of older ships with a distinctly modern feel. In other words, it caters for all tastes.

Sailing from Southampton, the two-week cruise was almost exclusively a British affair. I quickly made friends with Sue, a single woman from Surrey travelling with her parents, then bumped into Crewe Alexandra League One footballer Adam Dugdale and his fiancee Nicola.

Also, there was what came to be known as the Wigan Massive – young, successful businessman Sam and his mates, including the effervescent 19-year-old Robbie who became life and soul of the ship.

You didn’t have to be a Strictly fanatic to enjoy yourself, but it helped if you were. Dancing was integral to the cruise, with passengers joining classes and practice sessions – and a chance to compete in a competition at the end of the trip judged by Craig himself.

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Ship of dreams: Jaci sailed away on the PO floating palace Oceana

As a former ballroom dancer myself, I was looking forward to reliving my competition dancing days: a time when my mother had to sew on 10,000 sequins by hand and wake me at 6am to jam a Taj Mahal of a hairpiece onto my head.

On day one of the cruise, I bumped into Kevin Jones and Shari Davies from Cardiff – complete beginners but, as fans of the programme, they were keen to feel a part of the Strictly experience.

They joined a class run by Alan and Amanda Parker, from Barnsley, one of two professional couples on board. They say that if you can walk, you can dance, but when it came to Kevin and Shari I began to have my doubts. They kept walking into other people, and Kevin’s steps were so enormous I thought he was climbing the Eiger.

At the other end of the scale were Alan and Eunice from Durham, who had ‘winners’ written all over them. When Eunice took to the floor, head held high and arm outstretched, she was like Moses parting the Red Sea, as other couples scuttled to the side of the ballroom to gaze in awe.

From the start, they were sussing out the competition and regarded David and Susan from Lytham St Annes as their greatest threat.

Dance classes were held every day, morning and afternoon, but there were plenty of other activities onboard as well as onshore. Among the interesting ports at which we docked, Madeira was holding a flower festival and the central street was a fiesta of petals.

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Portuguese paradise: Jaci’s cruise stopped off at the Atlantic island of Madeira

You could feel the history all around you in Cadiz – its baroque cathedral, the castle of Santa Catalina and the Roman theatre proved fascinating. I loved Lisbon: It felt like a vibrant, modern, European city on a par with Barcelona or Paris. Lanzarote, by comparison, was disappointing, but Gran Canaria offered camel riding and a chance to explore the coast by kayak.

Before the arrival of the Strictly crew – Craig and two of the BBC show’s dancers , Natalie Lowe and Ian Waite towards the end of the cruise – passengers occupied themselves with many daytime activities (sports, exercise classes, the casino, plus daily bingo, quizzes, films, health and travel talks and wine-tasting. Every evening featured outstanding singing and dancing from the Headliners Theatre Company. Or you could catch a magician, a psychic and a pianist.

And packed out for two shows was former Foundations singer Clem Curtis , of Bui ld Me Up Buttercup fame. For the diehards, there was also a late-night disco.

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Making up the numbers: Craig gives his verdict as the cruise passengers perform

The Strictly crew exuded excitement; Craig was articulate and funny.

The big moment eventually came for the couples who had made it through to the final of the competition. Kevin and Shari were nowhere to be seen, obviously. Lyn and Hazel were two women who had to dance together owing to the shortage of male dancing partners, but they had, nevertheless, made it through and were first up for the swing jive.

‘Dull, dull, dull,’ pronounced Craig (he really loves his D words) ‘…and I didn’t like that camel trot section.’ Oh, dear. Another couple’s modern jive did not fare much better: ‘A complete dancing diiiii-sarrrrster… clumpy, lumpy, bumpy… but you turned up.’

Alan and Eunice, inevitably, attracted the best response – ‘extremely watchable’.

And they went on to win. Easily.

But it was Craig who people had paid to see, and he delivered the goods – the ultimate showman, so I was nervous when he agreed to judge a jive I was dancing. I squelched myself into a little pink fringe dress and performed on the theatre stage. I waited nervously for the verdict.

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All part of the fun: The cruise offered performances from professionals as well as keen amateurs

‘Well, as you can imagine, I thought it was going to be my worst nightmare,’ said Craig ‘…but i t was absolutely brilliant.’ He gave me a nine. I positively floated off that stage, dah-ling.

Travel Facts

PO Cruises (0843 373 0111; www.pocruises.com) has several Strictly Come Dancing-themed cruises this year and next. Prices from £1,199 per person for a Getaway Fare on a 14-night Western Mediterranean cruise on Oceana, departing on September 1, and returning to, Southampton, calling at Cartagena, Barcelona, St Raphael, Livorno, Palau, Gibraltar and La Coruna.

Includes an inside cabin, all meals and entertainment.